Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
