Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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