I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
