I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
