Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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