I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
