I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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