Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
