Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
