I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
