getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
