Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
