Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
how does that bad decision feel?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
