Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
...so i touched it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
