I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize