If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
