Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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