I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
