His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize