If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
