dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize