So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
