so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
