It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
