I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
