you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
