Screwed.edu
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
