there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
