dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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