We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
