Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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