This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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