just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
