please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I looked at my own cervix.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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