I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
