Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
