Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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