I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
