two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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