my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
