he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i believe in u and ur pee
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
