I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
