I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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