when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
