Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
