Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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