I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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