I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
