I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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