you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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