Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
