he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
