At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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