and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
