ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
