That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
