in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
