im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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