plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
