hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
