Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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