We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
