so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
