Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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