2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
