he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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