Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
