The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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