just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
