hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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