Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was like getting head from an anaconda
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
