Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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