She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Too much gin, very little bucket
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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