O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
